Systemic Ritual and Systemic Constellations

The Mother Wound and Its Impact on Romantic Relationships

By Susanne Hazen, author Leerboek Familieopstellingen

The relationship with your mother plays a fundamental role in how you connect with others in intimate relationships. The way you are internally connected to her can shape how you experience love, closeness, safety, and dependency in your adult partnerships.

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The Parent–Child Relationship as the Foundation

No parent is perfect. A child’s needs are vast, while parents are naturally limited in what they can provide. Even the most loving and aware parent cannot meet every need.
Parents give what they are able to give — based on their own capacity, history, and life circumstances. And this does not always fully align with what a child needs.

As a result, many people carry what could be described as an “inner space of unmet needs.”

Often unconsciously, we long for someone else to fill that space.

Falling in Love: The Illusion of Fulfilment

At some point, we fall in love.

There can be a strong sense of recognition, connection, and even a feeling of “coming home.” It may feel as though we have finally met someone who truly sees us and can give us what we have been missing.

However, in many cases, we are not seeing the other person fully.

We are looking through the lens of our desires, expectations, and earlier experiences. The deeper the unmet need, the stronger the tendency to idealise the other.

Desire can cloud perception.

When the initial intensity of falling in love fades, and the other person cannot meet these deeper needs, feelings of disappointment may arise. Old emotions — including pain or anger — can surface and become directed toward the partner.

Why Relationship Patterns Repeat

At that point, different responses are possible:

Ending the relationship and seeking a new partner
Becoming discouraged and losing trust in relationships
Or turning inward through self-reflection

The latter often opens the door to more sustainable change.

By developing awareness and taking responsibility for your own inner experience, space is created for a different kind of connection — one that is less driven by expectation and more grounded in reality.

An important part of this process is exploring your early relationships, especially the one with your mother.

We Bring Our History Into Our Relationships

When two people enter a relationship, they each bring their own background — including family dynamics, cultural influences, and emotional history.

In that sense, a relationship is the meeting of two inner worlds.

When these worlds are not easily integrated, tension can arise. Sometimes this may lead to recurring conflict or even separation.

Often, these conflicts are not only about the present moment, but are connected to earlier, unresolved experiences.

Understanding Intense Emotional Reactions

Anger, in itself, is a natural and healthy emotion. It helps us set boundaries and respond when something feels off.

However, when emotional reactions seem disproportionate to the situation, it may point to something deeper.

We then speak of disproportionate anger — anger that is “contaminated” with old emotions. These reactions can be connected to:

earlier life experiences, particularly in childhood
or patterns that have been carried through generations

This “contaminated” anger shows up as intense emotional reactions that don’t match the situation. When conflict arises in a relationship and one or both partners display disproportionate anger, it is often not about the conflict itself. Instead, the conflict acts as a trigger for old childhood emotions, the inner child making itself known, or even inherited anger from previous generations.
In the latter case, it is as if entire lines of ancestors — who have carried this anger for generations — become visible through that emotional outburst.

Without awareness, these patterns can be difficult to recognize, let alone change.

The Mother Wound in Relationships

Many relational patterns can be traced back to one primary relationship: the relationship with the mother.

From a systemic perspective, it is often observed that:

Women may unconsciously relate to both parental figures through their partner
Men may more strongly project aspects of their mother onto their partner

In other words, our partners can, at times, represent unresolved dynamics from earlier relationships.

Unmet Needs and Expectations in Relationships

When early relationships are experienced as incomplete, an unconscious expectation can arise:

“You should give me what I didn’t receive.”

However, no partner can fully meet these deeper, earlier needs.

When this expectation is present, it can lead to disappointment, frustration, and tension within the relationship.

And sometimes, it doesn’t stop there.

What You Didn’t Receive From Your Parents, You Cannot Get From Your Partner

Parentification: When Children Fill the Void

If unmet needs are not fulfilled by the partner (and, once more, the partner cannot), they may be unconsciously shifted onto children.

A mother may look to her son to fulfil what she missed in her relationship with her own parents
A father may do the same with his daughter

Children are then placed in a position that does not belong to them. They are no longer seen for who they truly are, but are pushed into a role that makes them bigger or more capable than they can be.

After all, they are just children.

Children are highly sensitive to their parents’ emotional states and needs. Out of love and loyalty, they may try to meet needs that are not theirs to carry.
They begin to take care of their parent, a dynamic known as parentification.

While this often happens unconsciously, it can create inner conflict. Over time, this may lead to confusion, emotional tension, and suppressed anger — which can later surface in adult relationships.

The Impact on Adult Relationships

These early dynamics can influence how we relate to others later in life.

Daughters may struggle in relationships with men
Sons may struggle in relationships with women

The anger that actually belongs to the parent is projected onto the partner.

At the same time, there can be an unconscious tendency to choose partners who resemble aspects of our parents — as if attempting to resolve something unfinished.

However, this often reinforces the pattern rather than resolving it.

Healing the Mother Wound for a Healthy Relationship

As long as we expect a partner to resolve our earlier pain, we may remain in a dynamic that resembles the parent–child relationship.

A more mature form of love becomes possible when we take responsibility for our own inner world.

Healing the mother wound — and, for women, also the father wound — can support a deeper and more balanced connection.

Not because another person completes us, but because we develop the capacity to be present with ourselves.

In Closing: What Is True Connection?

It is not necessary to be “fully healed” to be in a relationship. Many relationships function because partners are aligned in their level of awareness and development.

At the same time, personal growth can shift relational dynamics. Sometimes partners grow together — and sometimes they grow in different directions.

In relationships where unresolved pain remains largely unconscious, there can be a tendency toward fusion — where boundaries become unclear, and individuals lose a sense of themselves.

This can feel like closeness, but it is often a way of avoiding deeper discomfort.

Over time, this may lead to unhealthy or even unsafe dynamics.

True connection emerges when two individuals can stand side by side — each grounded in themselves, while remaining open to the other.

Inspired by:

Hazen, S. Leerboek Familieopstellingen
Seminars gevolgd bij Bertold Ulsamer en Ingala Robl
https://holistik.nl/relatie-moeder-els-van-steijn/

Healing the Mother Wound: Returning to Yourself

By Susanne Hazen, author Leerboek Familieopstellingen

There are wounds you cannot see, yet they deeply shape how you live, love, and experience yourself. The mother wound is one of them. It develops in the relationship with your mother and can show up in subtle, but also very visible ways, in your daily life.

Your mother is your first connection to life. Through her, you receive not only physical nourishment but also your first experience of love, safety, and belonging. She is the foundation in which you learn whether you are welcome, whether you are allowed to receive, and whether you can trust that life will support you.

Click on the images to navigate to more information about the online workshop

In systemic work and family constellations, the relationship with the mother is seen as a key foundation for your inner balance. This connection influences your ability to receive love, to allow abundance, and to feel supported by life itself. When this bond is disrupted or damaged, it can affect different areas of your life: your relationships, your work, and how truly alive you feel.

In this article, you will discover what the mother wound is, how to recognise it, and which inner movements can support healing.

The Mother Wound

The mother wound refers to emotional pain that arises when, as a child, you were not fully seen, heard, or supported by your mother.

This can have different causes:

An absent or emotionally distant mother
This can leave a deep sense of emptiness and make it difficult to truly receive love.

An overprotective mother
When there was little room for autonomy, it may later lead to insecurity and difficulty making your own decisions.

Experienced rejection
This can translate into a deep fear of abandonment or a feeling of not truly belonging.

Exclusion within the system
When your mother herself was excluded, judged, or not acknowledged, you may unconsciously carry part of that burden.

In systemic work, this is called entanglement: unconscious connections in which you carry something that does not belong to you. Without realizing it, you are no longer fully standing in your own place.

The First Mirror

As a child, you are completely dependent. You learn who you are through the eyes of your mother. She is your first mirror.

When that mirror is incomplete or distorted, beliefs may form such as:

I am not good enough
I have to adapt to receive love
My needs do not matter

These beliefs settle deeply within you and often travel unconsciously into adulthood.

How to Recognize the Mother Wound

The mother wound often becomes visible through recurring patterns, such as:

difficulty setting boundaries
focusing strongly on others while neglecting yourself
sensitivity to rejection or criticism
perfectionism or a strong need to prove yourself
difficulty receiving (love, help, recognition)
a deep, hard-to-place sense of longing or lack

You may also notice that you:

feel responsible for others very quickly
take on emotions that are not yours
feel like you have to do everything on your own
keep longing for something you never fully received

These are signals that something within you still wants to be seen, acknowledged, and felt.

The Impact on Your Life

The relationship with your mother forms the foundation of how safe you feel in the world. When that foundation is unstable, it often affects multiple layers of your life:

your self-image
your relationships
your sense of self-worth
your ability to trust

It is important to realize: what once developed can also begin to shift. Healing is possible.

The Movement Toward Healing

Healing the mother wound is not a quick fix. It is an inner process that unfolds step by step. Within systemic work and family constellations, several movements can support this process.

Taking Your Mother as She Is

An important step in healing is learning to take your mother as she is: with her strengths, her limitations, and her pain.

This does not mean you have to approve of everything. Nor does it mean you cannot set boundaries. It means that, internally, you stop fighting the reality of who she was or still is.

This inner movement may sound like:

You are my mother. From you, I received life. I take you as my mother.

This shift does not happen overnight. But within this movement, a sense of peace often begins to arise. There is more space, more softness, and a deeper connection with yourself.

Returning What Is Not Yours

Many children, often out of love, carry something of their mother’s pain. They try to ease her suffering, compensate for what was missing, or unconsciously carry her burden. But a child cannot truly carry the mother’s load.

In family constellations, it can be healing to return what does not belong to you, in a respectful and gentle way.

For example, with inner sentences such as:

I wanted to carry something for you, but I cannot. I give it back to you.

I have felt your pain as if it were mine. Now I leave it with you. I am the child, and you are the parent.

In returning what is not yours, a sense of relief often arises — not only for you, but within the system as a whole.

Taking Your Own Place

Within every family system, there are natural orders that give direction to each person’s place. When this order is disrupted, it can create inner tension or confusion.

Children need their own place: as children in relation to their parents — not above them, not in between them, and not in the role of rescuer, partner, or caretaker. When you reclaim your own place, a sense of calm often follows. You no longer have to carry what does not belong to you, and you can simply be the child.

Reconnecting with the Mother Energy

The mother is not only about the person herself, but also about what is often called the mother energy in systemic work: receiving, being held, nourishment, softness, and permission to exist.

When the relationship with your mother is wounded, access to this energy can also be disrupted. Through systemic work, it becomes possible to reconnect with this inner source, allowing you to experience more support, acceptance, and trust.

Healing does not always mean that the relationship with your mother changes in the outside world. Often, the most important shift happens within you.

Returning to Yourself

As the relationship with your mother comes more into balance, a greater openness to life often emerges. Where the mother wound once pulled you away from yourself, healing invites you to return.

This means:

learning to feel and acknowledge your own needs
taking your boundaries seriously
developing gentleness toward yourself
exploring and releasing old beliefs

In a way, you learn to “mother” yourself: with care, presence, and compassion.

Your Inner Child

An essential part of this process is reconnecting with your inner child — the part of you that once lacked something, and is still present within you.

By consciously connecting with what you needed back then, you can begin to offer it to yourself now:

comfort
acknowledgment
safety
love

This is not a quick solution, but a process of gently peeling back layer by layer — learning to listen again to what has long remained unseen within you.

Final Thoughts

Healing the mother wound is not a straight path, and it has no fixed endpoint. It is a movement inward — toward truth, softness, and space.

Perhaps that is the essence: that you gradually begin to give yourself what you once missed. Not by returning to how it should have been, but by becoming more present with what is alive within you now.

Because you are worthy of meeting yourself — fully, and exactly as you are.

In future blog posts, we will explore these dynamics further through the lens of Family Constellations. Don’t forget to follow me!!!

Inspired by:

Hazen, S. Leerboek Familieopstellingen

The role of the mother in family constellations: The first bond of life

Moeder-dochter relatie als bron voor vrouwelijk leiderschap

Els van Steijn: zó bepalend is de band met je moeder voor jouw vermogen tot verbinden

The Role of Mothers

By Susanne Hazen, author Leerboek Familieopstellingen

For every person, the family of origin plays a fundamental role in their development. At a very basic level, we all have a deep, instinctive need to belong. Our survival depends on being part of a group — a system that protects us, supports us, and allows us to exist.

The first and often most important group we belong to is our family of origin.

Within this family, the mother holds a unique and essential position.

Click on the images to navigate to more information about the online workshop

Mother is our first connection to life

This article is about Mother.

When I refer to “Mother” (with a capital M), I am not referring to a real, individual mother. I am referring to the symbolic or archetypal meaning of Mother — the image we carry within our psyche.

Across cultures, myths, and fairytales, this image of Mother appears again and again. It is a universal symbol that shapes how we perceive motherhood, what we expect from our own mother, and what we may expect from ourselves if we become a mother.

Our personal experience is shaped by the internalisation of our real mother, but is also influenced by this broader, universal image of Mother.

Sometimes, without fully realising it, we move between these two layers — what was and what we believe should have been.

In this article, we explore the concept of Mother and the roles associated with her, as well as basic dynamics from the perspective of Family Constellations.

The primary roles of the Mother

Several key roles are associated with Mother:

Childcare
Unconditional love and emotional support
Creating harmony
Managing the household
Passing on family traditions and values

Of course, in modern families, these roles can also be fulfilled by fathers or other caregivers. However, on the level of archetypes, these qualities are associated with the feminine principle — the energy that creates connection, safety, and continuity within the family.

The feminine principle is primarily centred around the home — the inner world of the family — while the masculine principle is traditionally more oriented toward the outside world.

Childcare

Mother plays a central role in caring for and raising children. This role has a biological basis: only mothers can breastfeed their children.

Beyond physical care, she also guides, educates, and acts as a role model. She not only teaches practical skills, but also transmits moral values, ethics, and ways of relating to the world.

In many ways, this is where a child first learns what it means to be in a relationship — with themselves, with others, and with life.

Unconditional love and emotional support

Another key role associated with Mother is that of providing unconditional love and emotional support.

She offers comfort, attention, and a sense of safety. She creates space for emotions, listens, and helps family members process stress, worries, and personal challenges.

In doing so, she supports not only the children. This supportive role extends to the partner – Father – as well. By serving as a sparring partner and creating a stable, peaceful home environment, Father is better equipped to fulfil responsibilities in the outside world.

In this way, the inner and outer worlds remain connected.

Harmony

Mother plays a central role in maintaining harmony within the family.

Feminine qualities such as empathy, emotional sensitivity, attentive listening, and the ability to regulate emotions contribute to resolving conflicts and creating a sense of connection between family members.

The focus here is on maintaining healthy relationships and a harmonious atmosphere within the home — a place where people can return to themselves.

Household management

Within the home, Mother is the organiser.

This includes managing daily routines, maintaining order, and ensuring that practical needs are met. But it goes beyond the material level. It also involves organising family quality time, creating structure, and supporting the quality of relationships between family members.

All of this contributes to a sense of stability and continuity within the family system.

Family traditions and values

Mother plays an important role in preserving and passing on family traditions and values.

She helps transmit culture, customs, and moral frameworks from one generation to the next. This may be expressed through rituals, celebrations, and shared practices that create continuity and a sense of belonging.

These moments, often simple in nature, can become anchors of connection over time.

The reality: no mother is perfect

It is important to recognise that no real mother fully embodies all of these roles.

No person is perfect — including mothers.

At the same time, our expectations are shaped by the archetypal image of Mother. This can create a gap between expectation and reality.

In addition, a child’s needs are, by nature, endless. No parent can fully meet all of these needs. Parents can only give what they are capable of giving, based on their own capacities, life circumstances, and personal history.

As a result, every person carries, to some extent, unmet needs.

These unmet needs do not simply disappear.
They often find their way back — quietly — in how we relate to others, and to ourselves.

Part of becoming an adult is learning to acknowledge this and finding a way to come to terms with it.

Insights from Family Constellations

These early dynamics do not disappear over time — they continue to shape us, often outside of our awareness.

In the work of Family Constellations, the relationship with the mother is seen as essential.

According to Bert Hellinger, the mother represents our connection to life itself.

The way we relate to our mother has a direct impact on:

our self-esteem
our ability to receive (love, support, success, abundance)

When the relationship with the mother is “in peace” — meaning we can accept her as she is — it creates a sense of inner stability. From that place, we are generally more open to life and better able to build healthy relationships.

Often, this also brings a certain ease — as if life no longer has to be carried alone.

When the bond is more difficult, this can manifest as insecurity, emotional dependence, or challenges in forming and maintaining relationships.

Closing

The role of the mother is complex, layered, and deeply influential.

It is shaped by both personal experience and collective imagery. It includes both what was given and what may have been missing.

Understanding this dynamic is an important step in personal development.

Because ultimately, it is not only about what we received from our mother —
but about how we relate to it in our lives today.

In future blog posts, we will explore these dynamics further through the lens of Family Constellations. Don’t forget to follow me!!!

Inspired by:

Hazen, S. Leerboek Familieopstellingen

https://www.segretidellamente.com/en/blog/family-constellations-mother-role-first-bond-life/

https://www.sunlife.co.id/en/life-moments/building-a-family/peran-ibu-dalam-keluarga/

Life After Soul Retrieval

In the previous article, I wrote about soul parts that, at some point in life, separated from our body and personality. Such a separation can leave behind a sense of emptiness and reduced vitality.

Systemic Ritual is one method that can help reconnect with these lost parts and, when the time is right, allow them to return.

But what actually happens after a ritual in which soul parts have been retrieved?

Strengthening the soul by means of Systemic Ritual

The First Experiences After Soul Retrieval

Many people report feeling more present after such a ritual: lighter, more alert, less dreamy, and stronger within themselves. It is also common for people to notice changes in their senses. Colours may appear brighter, sounds clearer, and smells more vivid.

In other words, there is often a renewed connection with the physical body. One feels more fully embodied again.

During the first few days, this can sometimes lead to a mild sense of disorientation. The healing still needs time to settle and find its place within the body and consciousness.

Similar experiences are sometimes reported after a family constellation. When an entanglement with an ancestor is released, it can also be understood as reclaiming a part of oneself. That part could not fully be present in the here and now because it was still connected to the trauma of a parent or ancestor.

Once the entanglement is resolved, that part can return to the present moment and take its place again in the client’s body and personality.

The Importance of Care and Timing

After a soul retrieval ritual, people may also find themselves feeling more emotional. When a lost soul part returns, the memory of the event that caused it to leave may also reappear — sometimes immediately, sometimes later.

For this reason, it is important to approach soul retrieval with care, especially in cases of severe trauma. A soul part that left because of a deep or overwhelming experience cannot always simply be brought back right away.

Sometimes the soul part itself first needs healing. In some traditions, it is said that a soul part may need to be brought to a place of healing — almost like a spiritual hospital — where it can recover before returning.

It is also essential that the client is strong enough to receive and care for the returning soul part. The environment must feel safe enough for the soul part to come back.

Welcoming Little Susanne

After a soul retrieval, many different emotions can arise: joy, sadness, anger, or even rage. These emotions are often connected to the process of remembering and integrating what has returned. And that process can take time.

During one of my own soul retrievals, I encountered my two-year-old self — the little Susanne.

In a visualisation, I saw her in a beautiful forest surrounded by cats, horses, birds, flowers, wide grassy fields, and streams of clear water. There were even two little gnomes there — Bop and Mieke, as she called them.

This was where she had hidden herself.

And she did not want to come back.

Over several weeks, I had to visit her again and again. Slowly, I befriended her and gently tried to convince her that it could also be safe and beautiful to return to the present moment — to my body and my personality.

Eventually, she agreed.

Welcome home, little Susanne.

When Memories Return

Shortly afterward I noticed an intense anger arising toward my mother and my older brother. I felt certain it was connected to the little Susanne who had returned.

When I spoke with her again, a memory surfaced.

I was two years old. My brother, who was five at the time, was playing roughly with me. The play got out of hand. He placed a pillow over my face and lay on top of it.

I could not breathe.

My small body fought to survive and suddenly found the strength to throw him off. I remember seeing the shock on his face before he ran away.

After that, everything went black.

My body survived — but a part of my soul had had enough and left.

When this memory returned, panic and fear surfaced again, followed by deep anger. Anger toward my brother for what had happened, and toward my mother for not having been there. Where had she been? Why had no one seen what was happening?

At first, I tried to comfort my younger self with rational explanations. I told her that it had been an accident and that a five-year-old child cannot fully understand the consequences of such actions.

But this was not what she needed.

My words did not acknowledge her fear, panic, anger, and sadness. She did not feel heard — and she disappeared again to her safe place in the forest with Bop and Mieke.

So once again, I had to go and bring her back.

This time I listened. Together we felt the fear again, the panic, the anger. We cried and cursed. And we honoured what had happened.

And we thanked my body — because it was my body that had saved me. Not my mind, but the instinct of my body had found the strength to survive.

Integration

After a soul retrieval ritual, the work is not yet finished. In many ways, it is only the beginning of the integration process.

A part of you that has been separated for years needs time to find its place again. It wants to be seen, heard, and respected.

There are many ways to support this process.

You can regularly connect with the returned soul part, for example, through visualisation or inner dialogue. If you are unfamiliar with this process, working with a therapist can be helpful.

Taking good care of yourself can also be very supportive. The soul part once left because there was not enough safety, joy, or space. By consciously creating moments of safety, rest, and pleasure, you show that these qualities are now present.

Bodywork can also be beneficial. Practices such as massage, shiatsu, acupuncture, or emotional bodywork help restore the flow of energy in the body. Trauma is often stored in the body, and when a soul part returns, the body may also begin to release long-held tensions.

Creative expression can also support integration. The drawings included in these articles are my own. I created them intuitively after a soul retrieval. One drawing expresses how I felt a kind of “body” settling inside me. Other drawings reflect how I cared for the returned soul part by travelling with it in visualisations to warm, safe places where we could spend time together.

In some situations, it may also be wise to seek support from a psychotherapist or counsellor after a session. Especially when deep trauma is involved, professional guidance can help process what emerges.

Soul retrieval is not an endpoint.

It is the beginning of a journey — a journey of coming home to yourself.

For ONLINE workshops:

Strengthening the soul by means of Systemic Ritual

Inspired by:
Ingerman, S. Soul Retrieval. Mending the Fragmented Self
My own experiences
Notes made during my training with Daan van Kampenhout

What Is Soul Loss? Understanding Soul Loss and Soul Retrieval

Many people know the feeling that something is missing inside them, without being able to explain exactly what it is. As if a part of their energy, aliveness, or presence was left somewhere along the way.

In many shamanic traditions, this phenomenon is called soul loss: the idea that parts of our soul can separate from us when experiences become too overwhelming or painful. According to these traditions, the loss of soul parts may contribute to feelings of emptiness, reduced vitality, and sometimes even physical or psychological complaints.

Strengthening the soul by means of Systemic Ritual

The process of bringing these parts back — soul retrieval — is seen as a way to reconnect with our life force and restore a sense of inner wholeness.

When we speak of the soul in this context, we refer to an immaterial aspect of our being connected to our life energy. This aspect contains emotions, memories, experiences, and feelings. In that sense, the concept resembles what in some spiritual traditions is referred to as the astral body, rather than the concept of the soul as it is described in many religious traditions.

When Soul Parts Are Missing

When a part of the soul has separated, it can feel as if less life energy is available. People sometimes describe this as a feeling that “something is missing.” Energy may flow less freely, inspiration may diminish, and the sense of connection with life may weaken.

When the soul is fully present, a person often appears clear, vibrant, and radiant. When parts are missing, it may feel as if a piece of our inner vitality is no longer directly accessible.

Often — usually unconsciously — we try to find these lost parts again. This can show up in dreams or daydreams, in a search for spiritual or healing practices, or in relationships where we repeatedly recognise something that touches us deeply. Sometimes others mirror precisely those parts of ourselves that we have lost.

This ongoing search can require a great deal of energy.

How Can Soul Parts Become Lost?

According to shamanic traditions, soul parts may separate when a situation becomes too overwhelming, painful, or stressful. It can be understood as a protective mechanism of the psyche.

Soul loss may arise, for example, through:

prolonged stress or burnout
not living in alignment with your deeper desires or life purpose
traumatic or life-changing events
the loss of a loved one
miscarriage or abortion
an accident or surgery
sudden shock or intense fear
jealousy

Some spiritual traditions also hold the idea that soul parts may temporarily “leave” when an experience is too difficult to endure fully. In this way, the person is protected from overwhelming emotions or experiences.

In certain shamanic traditions, it is also said that a soul part can be taken or “stolen” by another person.

Possible Symptoms of Soul Loss

People experiencing soul loss may recognise some of the following feelings or symptoms:

a lack of vitality or joy for life
the feeling of not being fully present in life
feeling “absent” after a traumatic or impactful event
after a breakup, the feeling that part of you is still with the other person
dissociation or depersonalisation
difficulty remembering certain events
persistent feelings of emptiness or depression

Not everyone will experience these signs in the same way, but within shamanic traditions, these experiences are sometimes seen as indications that a part of the soul has withdrawn.

Bringing Back Soul Parts: Soul Retrieval

What is Soul Retrieval?

In shamanism, various rituals and methods exist to restore lost soul parts. This process is known as soul retrieval.

During this process, contact is made with the lost soul part, with the intention of inviting it to return and reintegrate into the person as a whole. The purpose is to restore the connection with one’s life force.

Within the method of Systemic Ritual, it is also possible to make contact with lost soul parts and create space for these parts to return, be welcomed, and reintegrated.

When lost parts of the soul return, this can contribute to a renewed sense of wholeness, vitality, and connection — with yourself, with others, with the earth, and with life as a whole.

In many traditions, soul retrieval is seen as a process of coming home: reconnecting with parts of yourself that were once lost along the way.

Literature:
Ingerman, S. Soul Retrieval. Mending the Fragmented Self.

For ONLINE workshops:

Strengthening the soul by means of Systemic Ritual

Human Beings Are More Than a Physical Body

About the physical, etheric, astral and mental body

Many spiritual and philosophical traditions hold that human beings are more than just physical bodies. In shamanism, anthroposophy, and Hinduism, for example, the human being is seen as composed of several layers or bodies. Exactly which bodies are distinguished varies from tradition to tradition, but the idea that human beings consist of more than matter alone can be found in many cultures.

Strengthening the soul by means of Systemic Ritual

The physical body is the body we can see and touch. The other bodies are more subtle and cannot be perceived with the naked eye. Yet we can experience and become aware of them, for example, through Systemic Ritual.

Systemic Ritual is a method through which we can experience these different layers of our existence by means of ritual and systemic work. (see /what-is-systemic-ritual/)

All these bodies require care and nourishment. They are constantly active, interwoven with one another and influencing each other. When a disturbance occurs in one body, it affects the others as well.

At the centre of this whole system is a sense of “I” or “me”: our personality. Here we find our consciousness and our capacity for self-reflection. From this place we think, speak and choose our actions. The “I” can reflect, learn, make plans and change itself.

Our personality perceives the different bodies as one coherent whole. It selects and integrates the experiences and information coming from these layers. Only what is meaningful to us reaches our conscious awareness. In this way, our “I” forms the lens through which we perceive reality and interpret the events around us.

In my workshops, I work with the following bodies.

The physical body

The physical body is what we can see and feel. It consists of our skin, muscles, bones and organs, as well as all the neurological and hormonal processes that take place within our body. It is the tangible, material aspect of our existence.

The etheric body

The etheric body can be seen as a fine network of energy pathways. It permeates and surrounds the physical body and supplies our cells with life energy. The meridians referred to in Traditional Chinese Medicine are part of this etheric body.

The physical and etheric bodies can be strengthened through healthy nutrition, physical movement, spending time in nature, breathing exercises, acupuncture, Qi Gong, music and singing.

In people who are chronically ill or dying, the etheric body gradually begins to detach from the physical body. When the etheric body completely leaves the physical body, the physical body ceases to exist. According to various traditions, the etheric body remains present for six to seven days after death, after which this layer also dissolves.

The astral body

The astral body contains our feelings, perceptions, impulses, thoughts and memories. It is the body in which we experience emotions.

The astral body also speaks the language of symbols and dreams. Both nighttime dreams and daydreams take place in this layer of our being.

This body has no fixed form and can change easily. It can even temporarily separate from the physical body and move beyond it.

Through the astral body, we can also pick up the emotions and thoughts of others. It functions somewhat like a tuning fork: it resonates not only with our own inner world but also — usually unconsciously — with what is happening in our surroundings.

The astral body can be strengthened through creative activities such as painting, music or other forms of expression. Consciously recalling memories that evoke love, joy, or gratitude also nourishes this layer.

What we see and experience also has an influence. Witnessing violence or negativity can weaken the astral body. For that reason, it can sometimes be helpful to consciously choose where we direct our attention. Regularly avoiding negative news may, in that sense, be healthier than it is often thought to be.

According to some traditions, the astral body can continue to exist for some time after the death of the physical body. In cases of sudden or unexpected death, this layer may remain connected to the earthly realm for a period of time.

The mental body

The mental body can be understood as the structure that enables thinking. It is not the thinking itself, but the underlying framework in which thoughts, dreams and associations can arise.

Within the mental body, we find our patterns. Patterns are automatic connections between perception, recognition and feeling. Pathways are formed in which past experiences, beliefs and emotions become linked and lead to automatic reactions.

Methods such as Neuro-Linguistic Programming, hypnotherapy and affirmations work with these structures.

The mental body can be strengthened through activities that bring order and structure, such as solving puzzles, organising things, rhythmic exercises or meditation. These activities help bring calmness and clarity to our thinking.

The soul

The soul is our deepest and purest experience of “me”. It is not the ego, but the essential part of ourselves that is timeless and formless.

In many traditions, the soul is also seen as consisting of several layers, such as a personal soul, a family soul, a group soul and a universal soul. I will write more about this in a future blog.

The soul can be nourished through meditation, beautiful music, the experience of beauty and moments of genuine connection with others and with the world around us.

In my workshops, I work with these different layers. Through Systemic Ritual, movement, and focused attention, we can become aware of these bodies, strengthen them, and reconnect them with one another.

When these layers begin to work together in greater harmony, people often experience more calm, vitality and inner space.

For ONLINE workshops:

Strengthening the soul by means of Systemic Ritual

Bronnen:
Aaldijk, K. Voeding voor de ziel. Spiegelbeeld, mei 2007
Van Kampenhout, D. Beelden van de ziel. Over de werking van de ziel in sjamanistische rituelen en familieopstellingen
http://www.ankh-homeopathie.nl/pagina.php?id=16

Money is never just about money.

By Laura Dheygers, Energy Journeys

In the work I do with clients, I’ve seen this again and again: financial struggles are rarely only about strategy, budgeting, or income level. Of course, practical tools matter, but beneath the numbers lies a relationship.

Your relationship with money.

This relationship is shaped by culture, community, family history, early experiences, loyalty patterns, and unconscious beliefs we didn’t even know we were carrying.

Many of us inherited more than eye colour. We also inherited emotional attitudes not only toward money, scarcity, and hardship but also toward success and wealth. Perhaps it’s a belief that “people like us don’t earn more than this,” or that “we have to fight for money.”

Previous generations and their impact

These patterns often originate in previous generations who experienced war, loss, bankruptcy, injustice, sudden wealth followed by collapse. Even if we don’t know the full story, our nervous system can still be loyal to it, and it will unconsciously repeat the story or find a way to balance it.

In systemic work, we approach money not as an external resource but as something embedded in a web of relationships: with our parents, our ancestors, and our sense of belonging.
For example, if a parent struggled financially, a child may unconsciously limit their own earning capacity out of loyalty: “If you didn’t have more, I won’t have more either.” Not as a conscious decision, but as a deep, embodied bond, through which people can experience their success while feeling guilty about it.

When we bring these dynamics into awareness, something shifts. The stuck emotions are released, and a healing movement takes place.
We begin to see that our financial blocks are not personal failures. They are intelligent adaptations. At some point, they helped us stay connected, safe, or accepted. They helped us belong.

The problem is that what once protected us may now be limiting us.

This is why mindset work alone is often not enough. You can repeat affirmations about abundance every morning, but if your system is still entangled in inherited fear or guilt, progress will feel heavy and inconsistent.

Real change happens when we respectfully acknowledge the past, give back what does not belong to us, and allow ourselves to step into a different position.

A healthy relationship with money is grounded and calm.

It is not driven by panic or superiority. It allows receiving without shame and giving without self-sacrifice. It understands that earning well does not betray anyone. In fact, it can honour those who came before us by transforming the family story’s trajectory.

Systemic work teaches that a healthy relationship with money is necessary for welcoming abundance and having it as a natural state in life.

This process is both practical and deeply human.
We look at patterns.
We explore the types of our relationship with money.
We examine how success feels in the body.
We work with transgenerational entanglements so that they don’t hold us back.
We create new internal agreements that support financial clarity and stability.

“What I love most about this work is that when the relationship with money heals, it ripples outward. Decisions become clearer. Boundaries strengthen. Opportunities feel less threatening. Instead of chasing or resisting money, people begin to collaborate with it. By embracing the flow of money, they’re tuning deeper into the Flow of Life.” – Laura

See this link for more information about and registration for the workhop in Amsterdam: https://systemic-ritual.com/release-money-blocks/

Epstein, You and Me: On the Masculine and the Feminine

When we hear the name Jeffrey Epstein, we think of abuse, power, corruption and moral decay. Of a man who was able to exploit young girls for years while a network of influential people looked away. Of elites protecting one another. Of a system that failed.

Jeffrey Epstein is dead.
But the dynamics that enabled him are still alive.

We speak of him as a monster, an exception, a deviation. That is reassuring. Because if he were an exception, then the world is essentially healthy. Then we only need to remove the rotten apple.

Saturday, March 7, 4:00 – 6:00 PM Amsterdam time (CET). WOMEN – the day before International Women’s Day. In this workshop, we will explore the masculine and feminine within ourselves. Also interesting for men.
See: https://systemic-ritual.com/online-circles-systemic-ritual/

But what if Epstein was not an anomaly?
What if he were merely a symptom?
And what if that symptom does not exist only “out there” — but also in you and in me?

To understand that, we have to look beyond individual guilt and examine the forces that shape our culture.

The Masculine and the Feminine – Yin and Yang

When I speak of the masculine and the feminine, I am not referring to men and women. I am speaking of fundamental energies within the human psyche and within civilisation itself. Yin and Yang are more neutral terms for these archetypal forces.

Yang — the archetypal masculine — is goal-oriented, rational, analytical, focused on control, distinction, efficiency, expansion and results. Yang structures, analyses and gives form. Without Yang, there would be no science, no infrastructure, no decisiveness.

Yin — the archetypal feminine — is receptive, relational, intuitive, connected to the whole, to the body, to emotional life, to rhythm and care. Without Yin, there would be no connection, no ethical boundaries, no space for the irrational or the spiritual, no art.

In their healthy form, Yin and Yang complement one another.

Yang creates structure. Yin moves with life.
Yang distinguishes. Yin connects.
Yang acts. Yin feels.

Yang without Yin becomes hard.
Yin without Yang becomes shapeless.

When these two are in balance, wholeness emerges.

When Yang detaches from Yin — purpose detaches from care, power from integrity, efficiency from humanity — a fundamental imbalance arises.

When Yin is not supported and grounded by Yang, it can manifest as feelings of victimhood, avoidance, indecision, passivity or moral superiority without action.

But in the context of abuse of power, the emphasis here lies on Yang without Yin.

A Culture of Yang Dominance

We live in a culture where Yang values dominate: growth, competition, efficiency, scalability, profit maximisation, status, control, manageability and productivity.

These values are not wrong in themselves. They become problematic when they are not balanced by Yin — by reverence for the whole, relational awareness, long-term responsibility and ethics.

A Yang culture without Yin focuses on parts rather than the whole.
It improves products and maximises profits, but does not consider the consequences.
It admires power, yet neglects integrity.

What is an archetypal disconnection at the psychological level, translates, at the societal level, into objectification. The concrete feminine body is reduced to a means, to property.

The consequences of Yang without Yin are visible in colonialism, imperialism, slavery, labour exploitation, ecological depletion, the climate crisis and war. The pattern is the same: expansion without limits. Growth without reflection. Power without integrity.

In a culture where Yin is structurally marginalised — where care, relational intelligence, intuition and long-term accountability are dismissed as “soft” or “irrational” — civilisation may become technically brilliant, yet morally fragile.

That is the soil in which Epstein was able to flourish.

Epstein as a Symptom of Imbalance

According to biographer Barry Levine, Epstein was able to continue his abuse for years because authorities looked the other way. Even after his conviction in 2008, he avoided a severe sentence through a plea deal negotiated by a powerful legal team and was allowed to continue working from his office. After his release, his activities resumed with little interference.

As Levine describes it, Epstein was “a collector of people.” The wealthier and more powerful someone was, the more he sought to bind them to him. Women were used as currency to gain access to influential men. In doing so, he gathered compromising knowledge about many of them. The mutual dependency within such networks made many vulnerable.

Even after his conviction, celebrities continued attending his gatherings. Status and networking appeared more important than moral distance. From such networks came deals, investments, opportunities.

What does that tell us?

That status can become more important than ethics.
That access to power can outweigh the protection of the vulnerable.

This is not merely individual failure. It is a collective failure. That does not absolve individuals of responsibility, but it helps explain how abuse can persist within respected circles. Not everyone is actively committing abuse. But the system valued influence more than integrity.

This stems from a societal structure marked by Yang dominance. A Yang-without-Yin system protects power, protects status — and ultimately protects itself.

When Yang is not restrained by Yin — by care, moral reflection and relational awareness — space opens for exploitation. Not because everyone is evil, but because self-interest outweighs the good of the whole.

Epstein fits this pattern. Girls became means. Networks became currency. Relationships became instrumental. Everything revolved around access, status and control.

Why Blame Is Not Enough

Abuses must be exposed. Perpetrators must be held accountable. That is beyond question.

The danger, however, is that we externalise the problem. We say: “That’s the elites.” “That’s corruption.” “That’s the top.”

But the system does not live only in institutions. It lives in the psyche.

As long as we insist that the problem lies in a single monster, we do not have to examine the underlying dynamic.
As long as we do not ask why networks continue functioning despite warning signs.
Why authorities look away?
Why status outweighs integrity.
Why economic and political interests prioritised over the protection of girls?

As long as that dynamic remains intact, a new “villain” will eventually emerge. Not because evil is inevitable, but because the breeding ground remains.

You and Me

The uncomfortable part is this: the system lives in us.

It shapes what we find impressive.
Whom we admire.
Beauty ideals
What we call success.
How we translate time into money.
How we prioritise comfort over humanity.
How we see land as property rather than as a living ecosystem.
How we undervalue women.

The patriarchal system — or, in archetypal terms, the dominance of unintegrated Yang — is not only political or economic. It is psychological. It lives in our choices, relationships and ambitions. It is not a male trait. It is an energy that can be embodied by both men and women.

Therefore, the solution is not only legal or political.
It is also internal.

Restoring balance between Yin and Yang means:

connecting purpose with care;
connecting structure with relationship;
connecting power with integrity;
connecting growth with limits;
connecting rationality with intuition.

In a culture where Yin and Yang are in balance, structural exploitation would not find fertile ground. Power would be restrained by care. Networks would function as communities of responsibility.

Epstein was not an anomaly. He was an extreme expression of a deeper imbalance — as were the people around him.

If we truly want such stories to stop repeating themselves under different names and in different forms, we must address the underlying dynamic.

Restoring balance between Yin and Yang is not a policy measure. It is a cultural shift. And cultural change begins in awareness.

It requires systemic reflection:

Where in me thinks control is more important than connection?
Where in me fears exclusion, belonging to groups even when these don’t fit my values?
Where do I use relationships instrumentally?
Where do I admire power without questioning it?
Where do I choose comfort over courage?

This is not an accusation. It is maturation.

When Yin and Yang are integrated within the psyche, inner authority emerges — no longer dependent on external status. Then one can say “no” to a network that drifts into ethical compromise. Then integrity becomes more important than access.

Without that inner shift, every external reform remains fragile.

A slow, radical, collective work.
The work of you.
And of me.
And of us together.

Used source:
https://nos.nl/nieuwsuur/artikel/2603382-is-andrews-arrestatie-begin-van-het-einde-van-de-onaantastbare-epstein-klasse

The direction of the East

The East encompasses the qualities of renewal, contemplation, perception, oversight, and orientation on the world around us.
Suddenly having clear insights is a quality of the East. The East is uninhibited (like a child). Another quality of the East is the ability to regenerate – the East provides recovery, renewal, and “rejuvenation”. Because the East has the quality of being able to perceive sharply – perceiving both the detail and the whole – it also has the power to add structure.

The Wheel of the four directions forms one of the basic ground plans in which a systemic ritual takes place. The Wheel of the four directions works with the qualities of the four cardinal directions, which means no more than the conscious application of the universal cycle of ‘coming’ / ‘being’ / ‘going’ / ‘rest’ and all associated qualities. The Wheel brings order, depth, insight, and balance to the mental, emotional, and soul levels.

The energy of the East is most present in the spring, in the morning, at the waxing moon.
In our personal lives, it is the period of childhood. In the Northeast, the baby is born, and in the Southeast, the adolescent enters the adult world. The East knows the curiosity and the urge to explore, as we can see in children and teenagers.

The “East person”
People with highly developed East qualities may have many ideas, oversee structures well, create conditions, explain things clearly to others, and change things quickly and easily. When you have highly developed East qualities, you are clear, you have an overview, and you are good at planning.
The East has few emotions. “East persons” can therefore appear a bit cool. An “East person” is not the type who gives or wants to receive a long, firm hug.
An East person is future-oriented. This is the opposite of the “West person” who is nostalgic.

Unbalanced East qualities
When the East qualities “overshoot” or when the qualities of the other directions are insufficiently balanced by the East, problems arise. When there is too much focus on structure, this can be at the expense of the other qualities of the East: open-mindedness, creativity and the ability to improvise. Obsessive and compulsive behaviour shows the pathology of the East. Structures take on a life of their own.
Unbalanced East energy can also cause someone to “drown” in ideas. One idea to another arises, but the vision, planning and structure are missing. And nothing is ever done with all those ideas. Or worse, something new is always started up, but never brought to full implementation (the South). In severe form, this can be harmful to someone and his environment and lead to debts, among other things. Such a kind of person can start to lie to others to keep himself unguilty – (not my fault, everyone and everything worked against me, but next week I will have … or I promise you that next week …… ). In the case of lying, the qualities of being creative and being able to see and think of new possibilities are used in a destructive way. Someone with such an unbalanced East energy is incapable of taking real responsibility for his actions and does not have access to the qualities of the South.

See for ONLINE and IN-PERSON workshops and courses:

/workshops-and-courses-online-and-live/

Based on the book The Four Directions by Daan van Kampenhout.
You can order this book from me – email me: susanne@sejhazen.nl

Costs:
€ 19,80 – including VAT, excluding shipping costs. I will tell you the exact price when you show interest.

Time for New Beginnings

On February 4, 2026, the sun stands exactly halfway on its journey from the Tropic of Capricorn to the equator. Astronomically, this marks the precise midpoint between winter and spring. This day is known as a cross-quarter day and is recognised in various traditions as Imbolc or Candlemas.

The Earth slowly begins to warm. The light returns, almost unnoticed at first, and the earliest flowers start to appear. Winter loosens its grip. Not yet visible in full bloom, but clearly stirring beneath the surface.

What Is Imbolc?

Imbolc is traditionally celebrated from the evening of February 1st. The ancient Celtic festival began on January 31st, and similar seasonal celebrations can also be found in Scandinavian traditions.

While Imbolc is often observed at the beginning of February, the true astronomical midpoint in 2026 falls on February 4th. A subtle yet powerful moment. The days are visibly lengthening, and life begins to stir again—quietly, gently. This is the hidden turning point between winter and spring.

A Festival of Light, Purification, and Promise

Imbolc is one of the important seasonal festivals rooted in pre-Christian Celtic traditions, closely connected to the fertility of the earth. Originally, it was a ploughing and sowing festival—a time to prepare the fields for new life, supported by the power of the goddess Brigid.

Imbolc symbolises purification, new beginnings, growth, and the awakening of life after the long winter months. Across cultures, this moment in the year has long been marked by rituals of cleansing and preparation.

This theme of purification is still reflected today in the tradition of spring cleaning during February. Not merely practical, but symbolic: releasing the old and making space for the new. The name of the month itself points to this—februa is Latin for purification. Fasting, too, traditionally belongs to this time of transition.

The word Imbolc is thought to derive from the Old Irish oimelc, meaning “ewe’s milk.” It refers to the first ewes producing milk in preparation for the birth of spring lambs—a tangible sign that the cycle of life is beginning anew.

Later, this ancient festival was absorbed into Christianity and associated with Saint Brigid and Candlemas. Yet its essence remained unchanged: light overcoming darkness, purification, and the promise of growth.

Brigid – Guardian of Fire and Life

Imbolc is inseparably linked to Brigid (or Brighid), the Celtic goddess of fire, smithcraft, healing springs, fertility, and hearth and home. She is the keeper of the sacred flame—both literally and symbolically.

To honour her, homes were ritually cleaned. Not simply to tidy up, but to consciously release what no longer serves and create space for the return of life.

Fire plays a central role during this festival. Candles, hearth fires, and flames symbolise the growing strength of the sun and the awakening life force within nature. It is a celebration of light, hope, and renewal.

Imbolc and the Wheel of the Four Directions

Within the Wheel of the Four Directions, Imbolc falls between Midwinter (the winter solstice) and the Spring Equinox. It marks the true beginning of spring.

On the wheel of the seasons, this moment belongs to the northeast. Within the wheel of life phases, the northeast represents conception—the very first beginning of life.

This is where the spark ignites.
Still fragile. Still tender.
Yet full of potential.

Energetically, this is a powerful time to plant something new. Not through immediate action, but through intention. A vision may arise. First ideas can quietly take shape. What will later bloom begins here.

What Do You Wish to Grow?

This time of year invites us into stillness.
Into listening for what wants to awaken within us.

What do you wish to manifest this year?
Which intention deserves your care, attention, and protection, so it may grow into something tangible in the months ahead?

Just as the earth prepares for new life, we too are invited to create space.
By letting go of what no longer serves.
By welcoming the light.
And by trusting the natural rhythm of growth.

Spring is on its way.
And everything begins with a single spark. ✨

A Simple Ritual for New Beginnings

This ritual can be done around early February, at a moment that feels right for you.

1. Light a candle
Choose a white or soft yellow candle if possible. Take a moment to connect with the light and the returning sun.

2. Cleanse your space
You can do this by opening a window, tidying up, or burning sage, palo santo, or any herb that feels right to you. Consciously release the energy of winter.

3. Set an intention
Write down one word or sentence that represents what you wish to grow this year. Not something you have to achieve, but something that wants to be born.

4. Close in silence
Place the paper near the candle or in a place that is meaningful to you. Then let it go. Trust the process. Growth follows its own rhythm.

This time does not ask for urgency.
Only for attention.

Spring is already working beneath the surface.
And so are you. ✨

If you want to learn more about The Four Directions, I welcome you to join the ONLINE course “The basics of Systemic Ritual – connecting with resources that give strength/support – the wheel of the four directions” starting Monday, March 23.

Inspired by:

https://nl.wikipedia.org/wiki/Imbolc

https://castlefest.nl/nl/nieuws/vana-grimoire-imbolc

https://www.beleven.org/feest/imbolc

globalheart.nl/spiritualiteit/wat-is-imbolc-hoe-het-te-vieren