In this blog, you will read about the impact of previous relationships on your existing relationship. How can a previous relationship impact your current relationship? About: unfinished separation, and the impact on descendants.
In the previous blog, I wrote about balance and disbalance in relationships and what impact this has on a relationship. It is about giving and taking, but what if one person gives much more than the other? I’ll tell you more in this blog by describing situations that impact the current relationship if nobody pays attention to it.
Various events that happen while being in a relationship have an impact on that relationship. This can be an affair, the loss of a job, the passing of one of the parents, or a disbalance in giving and taking. In the following few blogs, I’ll tell you everything about the different levels of impact. Today I’ll describe the first level: what happened in the current relationship that didn’t get any attention?
When you get into a relationship, you leave family norms and values behind, and one of the partners tries to get something from the other that he/she could not get from his/her parents. And yes, the other person has a lot of influence on your relationship. But: the attachment style you have with your parents also has a lot of influence. In this blog I’ll give you a short introduction about the different attachment styles and how a Systemic Ritual can help with that.
When two people come together and start being a couple, both of them will have that loyalty to their family of origin. Two different perspectives come together, that will want to move forward on a shared path.
Not a single parent is perfect. Even if your father and mother would have been some kind of Buddhas, they wouldn’t have been ideal for you. Even Buddhas aren’t capable of giving a child what it needs, since the needs of a child are endless. Besides that, parents have their obligations and responsibilities towards their children. This means that they can’t just fulfil all their child’s needs. The result is that everyone of us has a jar of unfulfilled needs that has to be filled by something or someone else.
A couple relationship isn’t a relationship between two people, but a relationship between many people. Think of it as the congregation of two planets: each planet is connected to a bigger picture. As human beings, we’re also part of a bigger picture: a family, a living environment, a country, a culture. When you’re in a couple relationship, you will also deal with his or her family, living environment, culture, etc.