By Susanne Hazen and Josianne Zwart (Hey Joos! Virtual assistant & projectmanager)
In last month’s blogs, you could read about events that took place in your current relationship that have a negative impact on the course of your current relationship. In this blog, you will read about the second level: the impact of previous relationships on your existing relationship.
How can a previous relationship impact your current relationship?
Partners are connected on three levels:
- Mentally: the image we have in mind of our partner or the image of how we think our partner should be.
- Emotionally: the connection from the heart: ‘I love you, and I want someone to love me as well.’
- Erotically: the sexual attraction and the sex between the two partners.
A good break-up recognizes all three layers of commitment. Therefore, a good break-up takes responsibility for each layer. The connection has to be broken on all three levels. We can do this with a Familyconstellation or a Systemic Ritual, but more on that later.
A previous relationship may obstruct the current relationship. This usually means that the previous relationship did not end well. There has not been a proper farewell to each other and/or the previous partner(s) are not respected.
A breakup can be difficult if the partners still expect something from each other. Think of acknowledgement, gratitude for the time they have had together or the valuable things they gave each other such as love and experiences.
Generally speaking, separating from a partner with whom someone had their first sexual contact, is the most difficult. This is usually the relationship with the most significant impact.
Even if partners have been separated for years, if the separation has not taken place properly, it is unfinished. This obstructs a new relationship.
Factors that form an obstacle to landing in a new relationship
Some factors related to previous relationships can obstruct a new relationship, such as:
- Intense, insufficiently processed events from previous relationships, such as abortion, miscarriage, stillborn or passed child. Events like this are mostly the cause of the growing apart of partners because they cannot manage to carry the loss together. Situations like those described above make the partners stay connected to one another on a certain level. This connection obstructs a new relationship.
- We also often see that a new relationship is more difficult for one partner when his or her former partner does not start a new relationship and remains unhappy.
The impact on descendants
Unfinished break-ups affect not only the involved partners and their following relationship but also affect descendants.
Children of the next generation can identify themselves with ex-partners when those ex-partners are being left out, denied or suppressed. This is how a system ensures that this person will not be forgotten. Unfortunately, this means that our children or grandchildren will live the fate of ex-partners.
Healing motion and healing sentences
There are a couple of ways to break free from a previous relationship, that I’ll guide you through during a family constellation or Systemic Ritual. Your ex-partner doesn’t have to be present. This is your inner process that will work systemically.